I haven’t written in a while. And not just here, but in life really either, not like I used to. I used to love writing fiction, about fantastical worlds and experiences of my characters. Nowadays I feel more like I’m floating through life, drifting. I don’t have that creative excitement I used to have, staying up late writing, drawing or reading for hours. As adulthood creeped up, it faded a bit. Not completely, but I think I’m going to have to work a bit to rekindle it.
Over the past year or so I’ve had good times, hard times, and some very hard times, (though it seems the world has been having similar times too). I’ve had a bit of time to think, breathe, and try to figure a bit of life out, though not much. Life is still a complicated beast to try and tame, and I don’t think anyone really gets much control over it, no matter what it appears to look like. We’re living in a bit of a cataclysm of uncertainty at the moment (to say the least) so it’s very hard to try and figure things out while everything is so uncertain. It’s these sort of times where you need to lay some solid foundations for yourself as a person: What is important to you? Where do you draw your lines? What is your code to live by, however simple or complicated it might be? What is it you want or want to do? You have to figure out the answers to these questions while still trying to remain flexible and adaptable to the changing tides of life.
It’s easy to say “this is what you have to do”. Actually trying to follow through is the hard part. It’s only now that I’ve realised that you have to forgive yourself if you can’t easily answer these questions, or that your old vision of what life will be and the plans you make don’t happen. We’ve been taught in life from a young age that you can plan things out and easily make them happen. From the innocent questions asked when you were a child of “what are you going to be when you grow up” to different medias telling you that you’ll easily meet someone and fall in love easily and perfectly… life is a lot more messy. Most people who might read this probably already know that life is a lot harder and chaotic than we used to think, but sometimes it’s nice to know you’re not the only one struggling with life and everything whirling around in it.
I guess I’m rambling on a bit. It’s been a while, and it’s been therapeutic to just write again in an unrestricted stream of consciousness. For anyone out there in the world listening: thank you for taking the time to read the writings of little old me.